School is well underway around here, both for my kids and for me in my new position as a Personal Care Aide (PCA) at our Old Forge High School. And, I am happy to announce that, so far, things are going very well. Mornings at home getting ready and out the door on time have been successful — we haven’t missed the bus yet! No absences or major illnesses or big classmate drama — all good stuff. And caring for my charge in the classroom is proving to be delightful.

I do admit that our nighttime homework and bath routines could use some improvement, however. Baby steps, right? I am grateful for what IS working so far.

But for some reason, this past week, I was feeling it. Yeah, it. Hmm, it is not that simple to define.

I myself have recently been trying to place a finger on what exactly it is.  I have been having conversations with myself, asking why I am feeling somehow “off.” Why the slight, but present, feeling of discontent. And where has the mojo in my sewing studio gone?

Ahhhh, we humans. Creatures of habit. Resistant to change. As much as I am grateful for full-time work, and especially for the type of work I do, it is a change for me. I had been a stay-at-home mom for nine years after all. That is a long time.

And as much as I had done some pre-planning and organizing for the start of the school year, there is still some scrambling and chaos. And sewing orders are falling behind. I was thinking one day at school, that the bell will ring, and I will clock out at 3:00. And then I have sewing orders that I will likely not finish tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or probably not this week at all. Until my babies go to visit their dad on Friday evening. Oh. 

So, I have concluded, then that it is this adjustment that I am experiencing. The transition to work, and back-to-school for the kids. And I’m kinda tired, and kinda have a cold, and the kids kinda need me on a daily basis. There. That is my best definition, anyway.

It is not a crisis. It is just my human reaction to events in my life right now. I am deciding to allow myself some grace, and I’m acknowledging that I can do this. I have certainly come a long way in gaining my confidence back, and I know I will find my personal rhythm.

As R.S. Grey so aptly puts it,

She believed she could, so she did. <3