Anger sucks.
That seeing-red, heart-racing, seething fury we experience when we’ve been wronged in some way. Like “road rage” for any occasion. Yep, I’ve been there. Have you?
Indeed. There are countless self-help books aimed at helping us to identify the root cause of our anger. To work through our anger. And ultimately, to control our anger. Well. Terrific. Thank you, everyone, for offering to help.
But what if we are not so great at identifying and dealing with our anger in a nice, succinct, textbook sort of way? What if, like me, we well up inside and turn that strong emotion inward? What if our involuntary physiological response to the emotion of anger is not the expected yelling or fist-shaking, but rather tears and hurt feelings? Ugh … that complicates things, folks.
Why? Because when we turn our anger inward, we do not allow ourselves to work through that emotion of anger in the healthiest way. When a particular stimulus or stressor makes us angry, identifying root cause, thinking of solutions, taking deep breaths, communicating to others or taking our own actions steps toward resolving the issue are all wonderful ways to healthfully process this emotion. But. When we turn anger inward, and we do not process through it in logical, healthy, pragmatic ways, it starts to fester and smoulder. It will never go away on its own. It stays there, all green and stinky and yuck. Until time and inactivity allow it to become a joy-robbing mess of toxicity within us. Sounds awful, right?
We live in an imperfect, real world. And in my world, a bad marriage and a worse divorce process have dealt me more than my fair share of opportunities to become angry. So many. I have always been one to avoid confrontation, even avoiding the communication necessary to express my feelings or to try to work at a solution to a problem. I get angry, and the tears flow. I tend to retreat. Consequently, these copious opportunities for anger have not been properly dealt with, but rather have been festering like a painful swollen boil, gnawing away at my happiness and peace. Oh, I have been trying to step up to the plate more often. For me, this involves courage and strength. I’m regaining that confidence, and strength. Slowly.
But I am done with letting years of hurt and anger rob me of my peace and joy today. Time to get real, and think this through. To be very honest, I do tend to make compromises with myself. And I realize that I’m not “all in” at the moment. But I am committed to *making progress* on my goal of releasing anger and bitterness, and to work toward having an attitude of FORGIVENESS so that I might live the life I want to live! These are a few words I journaled the other morning when I asked myself what kind of life do I want to live: happy, peaceful, calm, joy, thankful, giving.
So, that is my revelation and my commitment to myself: to practice FORGIVENESS in order to release the festering, joy-stealing anger within me.
It’s a process. I get that.
Author: Max Lucado. Born (1955) and raised in Texas, this man is a best-selling author and preacher. He writes much on God’s forgiveness and grace. His simple message is: God loves you; let Him. (Note: I do not particularly agree with Max’s extreme views on gay rights.)
How it speaks to me: This quote has biblical roots (Romans 12:19), and after reading it over and over, I found that it softened my heart. At first, it reminded me of the cause and effect idea of karma, and of the saying “what comes around goes around.” But after much reflection, I am finding that it offers me a peace in that I can forgive without compromising my integrity. In other words, just because I forgive someone a wrong they have done to me, doesn’t mean I am condoning that behavior, or somehow lessening its importance. On the contrary, that behavior is not mine to judge. God will be the judge. And by forgiving I am freeing myself to accept God’s grace, and to open myself up toward a happier, more peaceful life. I love it.
